Helping Our Aging Parents Find the Best Living Conditions
This is a two-part case study. For a link to Part I, click HERE. For a link to the entire case study in pdf format, click HERE.
I wrote this in August 2024. Part 2 details my parents’ continuing experience and the changes that have occurred since 2020, including many trials and tough decisions.
A Difficult Decision - Leaving the Family Home
After my initial conversations about Aging in Place with my parents, they had decided to stay in their current home, with adjustments and accessibility accommodations being made throughout the house for my father. At the time, my father’s mobility was not showing signs of improvement, but my mother, still in good health, was able to provide the level of assistance he needed. I had concerns about them staying in their three-story home, but additional modifications were available if needed to further improve the space for my aging parents.
Between the years of 2020-2022, my dad’s health, both mind and body, took a rapid decline. During these two years my mom tried to continue to best support my dad at home, helping with his increasing need of care, but eventually this nursing role began to strain her individual health, and the conversation of alternative senior living was coming back to the forefront. Still reluctant to leave their home of 40+ years, my parents were slowly, but increasingly needing a better, safer fit.
My prior conversations with my parents about their options made this process easier when it came time to take action and make decisions. When I first began having these conversations in 2020 about living conditions for them as they age, and devising plans, these plans were for the future, and my father’s condition was stable enough to remain where they were. As his conditions quickly declined, having options and a preferred plan in place made the decision more manageable for my parents, as well as myself and their other loved ones looking out for their overall well-being.
In January 2022, my parents moved into a 2 bedroom/2 bath unit at Riderwood Independent Living Community in Silver Spring, Maryland, just roughly 5 miles from their old neighborhood. At Riderwood, tenants do not own their apartments, rather they place a deposit-my parents unit cost $425k. There is an additional monthly fee, around $4000, that covers everything, including 20 meals per month. Once they move out, or no longer require living at Riderwood, and their unit is reprovisioned and sold, 90% of their original payment is returned to them/their heirs.
Making the Move
After my parents moved into Riderwood, I spent the next 4 weeks preparing their home to go on the market. My parents were not in a financial position to cover the entire deposit for their new unit, but Riderwood had given them a 2 month grace period to sell their house. With $35k put in for renovations, I changed the countertops, got new appliances, sanded the floors, painted walls, and polished the landscaping. The house had multiple offers and it sold the first week on the market, for 18% above the asking price, for 650k.
My experience as a licensed real estate agent proved critical for this time in my parents' lives. I can help others in similar situations. Too often people are enticed to sell their homes quickly because they don’t know their options and may feel pressure from companies offering ‘fast cash’. An investor may get wind that an owner needs to sell and come in with an aggressive offer to buy the house that seems attractive. However, this offer is usually at a discounted price. As a licensed realtor, I can help assess the current value of the home, show you the fair market value, and determine what renovations to do to maximize the resale. For loved ones of older people in charge of the decisions it is important to not sell impulsively. An investor may offer to buy the home in its current condition, which can be enticing because it removes the house quickly with minimal effort of the loved one, in addition to a less prolonged emotional aspect. Still, it is important to instead consult with a qualified real estate agent to ensure no money is left on the table. This could make a huge difference for your parents or yourselves down the road.
The physical transition to Riderwood was made easy, but the mental load cannot be underestimated. For my dad, his cognitive state had been progressively diminishing, and he appeared to be confused when they moved. My mom, still in great condition and very mobile, was mildly depressed. Although she’s been processing and considering a move to Riderwood since 2020, she missed the house.
In the next 2 years, my parents continued to adjust their lifestyle to their new living conditions. My father’s condition seriously declined, with a diagnosis of dementia setting in. My mother got increasingly used to living here, but was still unable to fully enjoy all that the community could offer, as she was always tending to my dad. His health reached the point of needing constant care, and my mom had to hire in-home aids to help her assist him during the day. Despite not being able to take full advantage of all the amenities of Riderwood, my mom was starting to realize the benefit of living in this senior community and coming to the conclusion that the move here was the right decision.
Full-Time Care
In June 2024, my father had declined to the point of needing full-time care and it was decided that ultimately Riderwood was no longer the best fit for him. The cost for aids at Riderwood were $27-35/hour, to have an aid for 8 hours during the day to take some pressure off my mom was reaching $7200/month. At the beginning, this extra assistance during the day was providing relief for my mom, but the nights became just as challenging, and the additional shifts were quickly becoming not financially possible.
We explored other options and we moved my father to the Alfred House-a Senior Assisted Living and Memory Care Facility. This new living situation costs roughly $8k/month, where he gets a private room, with 24/7 care, and everything else (food, etc.) included in that cost. This was the best option for him both financially and from a care standpoint. Its location is also more convenient to our family, making it very easy for my mother to visit.
With my father now in full-time care, my mom has immensely more flexibility to partake in the activities she once enjoyed, like going to the gym, but could not do, as she had no time for herself. Her health was declining, as she was suffering from depression and lack of sleep. But my mother was instantly pleased with the exceptional care provided by the Alfred House nurses, and no longer had to constantly worry about my father. With this lifted stress, and allowance of free time, she is now able to go out of the house for long periods of time, and do spontaneous plans like day trips with me which she has not done in 20 years!
In her frequent visits to my father, my mother only has praise for the care she is witnessing being delivered to my father. We are assured this move was the right decision. And my mom, now able to take advantage of the plethora of amenities at Riderwood, as well as socialize with her neighbors, realizes how happy she is at this community and that all the steps we took to get to this point were the right ones.
Conclusion
My parents’ living situation has changed drastically within the last five years. It’s taken multiple conversations, decisions, and actions. From first wanting to stay in and adapt their home, to then deciding on Riderwood for both my parents, to finally moving my dad to the Alfred House, I am confident both my parents are in the best living conditions, from both a financial and comfort perspective. Knowing we always had options gave my parents a sense of power in their decisions.
How I Can Help You and Your Parents with a Similar Decision
I can help you address your concerns about aging parents in the following ways:
● Frame the conversation you want to have with your parents
● Guide you through some of the steps I took
● Prepare a cost analysis for staying in place versus moving
● Provide an estimate for renovations and find experts to remodel for aging in place
● Find a property for your parents that will stand the test of time
● Find a new home for your own family that includes future living space for your parents as they age
● Help you make a plan with your parents that we can follow through on together
Don’t underestimate the emotional journey your family is undertaking with a change such as this. I’m available to guide you and provide a smooth transition.
Jason Cohen is a Realtor® with Compass Real Estate in Washington, DC. He is a tenured real estate agent who is passionate about connecting people with homes that inspire them. Thanks to unparalleled local expertise and a commitment to exceeding expectations, Jason empowers his clients to navigate the search and sell process more seamlessly than ever before.
Born and raised in Silver Spring, Maryland, Jason is an active member of the Washington DC community that he has called home for 24 years. He lives in Shepherd Park Washington DC with his wife Debbie and their two sons.
Jason can be reached at jason.cohen@compass.com or 202.957.6060.
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